The struggle of one, the strength of many.
The way i started a story is what determines whether your readers will continue reading it or switch off and move on to the next interesting thing. If I tell you right now that as I write this I am sitting outside working and it’s hard that I am in tears and i have been here for the past 15 minutes, you will keep reading because you would be curious to find out why I am crying.
However, I tell you the reason for my tears in this paragraph, you will stop reading because I have given you the answers you needed and highly likely.
I think that the rest of the story will just be just boring to you. So I won’t tell you immediately why I am crying right now but I will tell you why I was crying last week Monday and how this led to my happiness today.
I had a horrible day at school last week Monday and afterwards I met up with some fellow young professionals at a networking session we have a small talk. Usually gets me in a great mood and i end up partying the night away but last week my heart just wasn’t in it and I had to find a quick exit one way or the other. I have to go meet up with my girlfriend. She says as soon as I rolled down the window she knew something was wrong but of course in my mind I am the master of masking my feelings and I don’t believe that she did.
To cut a long story short I was in a financially problem place and I had no idea how to get out of it. As soon as I started to explain this to her the tears came, and I had no idea how to cut the water supply (probably because i can’t cut the water supply of a waterfall). I got into OXFORD University for my PHD in FILM& TV and I needed to get $1000 in less than a week. Even now I still need that money for my studies. That’s about R10 600 because as we all know, the Rand has some weaknesses and the Dollar is one of them. I was freaking out because my mother got sick during the movement of fees must fall: “Apply for a loan at the bank”. I knew if that was my answer. Look I’m a writer, I can sell my stories to magazine, newspapers, and especially radio, and television. I got it hard and I waited for bank to reply me. I waited and waited but still. It is hard for me to find or to get help to chase my dream.
It wasn’t good enough, my salary wasn’t paid to me in full because I missed a deadline for a submission that would ensure this and I had extra expenses. I’m so sure my girlfriend was worried that she had no answers for me but she was there and she told me everything would be okay as long as I believed in it and tried not to panic.
The next day, my mom’s car wouldn’t start. As soon as that happened I started to calculate ridiculous amounts of money in my mind and I was sure that this was going to be the worst month of my life. Again, I will have to cut a long story short and fast-forward to Friday night when i finally found a way to jump-start my mom’s car. I went to visit a friend of mine in Tembisa – for the first time in a while – and the message was for us to stop worrying about tomorrow and speak positivity into our lives.
Again the week started, and time to bath in the morning, guess what? waterworks started and I got a headache thinking about just how much I needed to hear that but how these tears were really starting to piss me off. Anyone who knows me knows that I believe in a good cry now and then but that I had stopped crying at some point because at some point life became easier to deal with when I bottled up my emotional. Now all of a sudden I was breaking down at every thought and it was frustrating me and killing me inside.
I only got to the bank on Tuesday morning because of all the public holidays and they told me they couldn’t help me with a loan because I don’t qualified and I’m not a permanent one just an internship at SABC. I was with my friend REAGILE SEBOTSA, she a sister I needed all time and I needed the best advice. The tears started again but I held her back because hell, she’s a family to me she has to see that I am a boy of strength. When I got to campus I met my other family fees must fall (FMF) I e-mailed my mother – She was in Mpumalanga for sickness and my family of (FMF) been helping me with finding sources of funding for my studies. Shame poor family I got tired all Their best to help me, I’m greatful to that.
I looked at my Twitter account and thought of sending messages to my friends and family but then I realised that R10 600 is a lot of money for an individual or a small group of people but if the burden is distributed among many, it is much lighter. I took a Walk and thinking of starting a campaign to get 1000 people to donate R50 each. My family thought it was a little out of the ordinary but my friend REAGILE told me to give it a shot. My family on the other hand, only told me after I struggle to raised all the money (and more)
I’m so glad I took a Walk of faith because over the past few days I have seen the spirit of Ubuntu manifest in my life and I am so inspired. I learned a lots of things step by step, and life goes on. Not all of us believe that there is a Hope and Faith, or that there is only one thing you can believe and that’s okay. We may not believe in the same spiritual journey but we all have something that binds us together and that is love and faith. We all believe that love exists and each step we take I evidence that we have faith in the fact that we can and will take the next step. I saw faith and love surround me from various corners of South Africa and the world. People I know and those I don’t all spent time and money because they believe in the vision that I have for my life and dream.
This is only the first step. I still need to raise about $90 000 (do the math and you’ll weep), for tuition and my living expenses. With the extra money I raised I will open an interest-bearing savings account (advice from my special students at wits university), towards that. If I ever doubted that at the end of July next year 2016 I will be off to Oxford University in The Big company of filmimg State, and I might travel to New York City – to meet big people and meet greatest filming crew. I definitely have no doubt in my mind now. I believe that I will and I know that I have the backing of an army because they showed me support and they changed my life forever.
I am not crying anymore. I have to stand on my feet and face the reality. I’m sitting in the darkness waiting for someone to pick me up. Now that you have read the story of my life struggling with money, I will let you know why I was crying. I cried because I was overwhelmed by a love I thought didn’t exist anymore. I cried because I witnessed a genuine excitement for me from people who didn’t know me and those who did. I cried because I have always struggles with being co-dependant. My mother might never agree with me but she knows I am the most independent kid. I take pride in being able to do things for myself but this days i have been rough to myself, not getting enough sleep I was taught a great lesson in humility. I asked for help and I’m still waiting. I leaned lots of things from people and they helped me stand on my feet until then I will fight until I get help and a better funding to Oxford University. I am here because of you mom thanks for believing in me and supporting me.
WRITTRN BY: EDWIN MPHO MAKITLA